Life as of late

We've had busy days around here. Daddy's busy with clients, and momma and I are updating information in the giant old Dell. I haven't been doing much writing, but I should get back on it. I've been listening to the "Spring Awakening" soundtrack, and working on an anthology of songs for voice lessons this coming semester. I love the way that after all these years of singing, I have finally found songs that fit me perfectly. I finally have admitted to myself that range is more important than being a diva. Haha! So if you're curious, or if you know "Spring Awakening" I'm working on "Whispering" which was originally preformed by Lea Michele and "The Song of Purple Summer" which was first sung by Lauren Pritchard. Both are good solid songs, and Lea and Lauren did excellent jobs. I really enjoy Lea Michele because she is going to be on the FOX show "Glee" this fall. I saw the Pilot episode and LOVED it, so check that out too. My goal for this weekend is to empty my camera card, edit some pictures, and take some pictures. Another thing I've been slacking on. I used to carry my camera EVERYWHERE, and lately it's been sitting in my bookbag. I ordered some books today including "He's Just not That Into You" and Steve Harvey's "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man." I'm pretty excited about these two, given some recent events in my life. ;-) I also ordered "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button and Other Jazz Age Stories" which is a F. Scott Fitzgerald anthology. My favorite book of all time is "The Great Gatsby" and my mom scoffs at me everytime I talk about it. I just laugh and explain why I like it. I guess it's just because I'm into that time period (the 20s/30s) and the writing is so exquisite. But enough about that. The weekend is almost upon us, and I have a feeling it will be a good one! Momma is going to visit the kids, and Daddy and I are going to stay here. (I guess...?) And then on Sunday, with my parents' blessing, of course, I'll be going on a picnic with a certain new friend. :-D so I'll definitely be updating you all after this weekend. But until then, Peace, Love, and Stars,
-Starleisha G.

On Hold

I'm currently sitting here on hold with Tracfone. It's the fourth time I've called them in the past three days, and the second in the last 20 minutes. The first time today, I thought the issue was fixed. But it wasn't. I'm reminded of the "Friends" episode where Pheobe was calling to get her telephone fixed, and was on hold for 28 hours. It was, of course, hilarious, and frustrating, even for me. It made me think of all the things in life that we put on hold. Friends, family, chores, JESUS! (gasp!) But seriously. There are times when I'm like, "oh I'll read my devotions later. When I get a free second." And of course, I take that free second and log onto Facebook, or pick up my latest Karen Kingsbury book. How do you think Jesus feels when we say (In our best Middle Eastern Accent) "Your call is important, but please allow me to put you on hold for at least two minutes. Thank you." Not cool. (Slightly amusing but NOT COOL!) Jesus doesn't put us on hold. He's always open 24-7-365 (or 366 depending.) So, I've decided to persist in my devotional reading, and do it first thing in the morning. I've also decided to make a little bookmark with prayer requests of friends and use it in my KK novels. So if there's anything I can pray for in your life, let me know! Just remember, even though the hold music is cheesey, Jesus won't torture you with it...why tortue him with it?
Love you all! Peace, Love and Stars,
-Starleisha

Imaginary Convos, Coffee, and the "Messiah Guy Stigma."

- Dr. Phil once described an ADD individual as having "A Ferrari engine with a bicycle brake" If you've never realized that, spend a day with me.-

I should be asleep. It's 1:58 early Friday the 24th of JULY. I can't believe it. I started a part-time job today at a little Bakery out in the country...not that I'm not already out in the country, but this is on the other side of town. It was great fun. I had the best cupcake I have ever tasted EVER, and connected with a really great woman. (2:02 am) She was sharing with me about her family situation, which isn't healthy (admittedly.) I've always felt a connection to teen girls, and as she was telling me about her 17 year old daughter, who recently moved out to live with her grandparents, my heart was breaking. It's amazing to me the lengths girls will go to to get attention...negative or positive. For this girl, it's defying her mother. For some girls it's eating disorders, or self-destruction. For me, it was (and sometimes still is) the latest gossip. Name one well-known person from our school, and I can tell you at least one or two things about them. It's not healthy, I know. But when I talk, people listen. Then I think of all the things I could be saying instead of "he's dating her" or "she spent x amount of time in whatever country doing this thing." I could be saying, "Jesus loves you! He wants you all to himself!" Or, simply, "I'll definitely be praying for you," or "How was your day?" I also wonder about the things I could be thinking about when I'm thinking of other trivial things. (Awkward confession time): When I was little, I didn't have an imaginary friend. (One of my guy friends had [has?] an imaginary friend named Peerflick). I didn't need an imaginary friend. I talked to my real friends all the time. Like...legit. But they weren't there. I still have imaginary conversations with real people when no one's watching. (I hope no one's watching...) The other day I said to my sister "I imagine the conversation I'll have with him when and if I finally meet him." Her response was, "Don't imagine that! Because if you never meet him, you will have wasted all the time imagining what you would have said to him." And you know what....she's right (gasp) as sister's often are. So I'm going to try to make a concious effort to keep it all in real time. And with my ADD that's already been a challange. Yes, in the last 24 seconds I have had and imaginary convo with a real person. So. maybe I should just keep doing it...Hm.
Ok. I might regret what I'm going to write next, but here goes. (Who knows, it might make for a good story/laugh later.) As you know, I'm adopted. And this week my mom networked (for lack of a better term) me with a guy that I kinda knew in MS who is also adopted. He e-mailed me, and I'm hoping to go for coffee with him, or lunch or something. I'm intrigued b/c he and I have a lot in common (not just the adopted thing), but I'm not going to write anything out b/c I want to hear it from him, not just from what I've found out.
One thing that Messiah has screwed me with is the knowledge that every guy is a potential. I hate it. Especially the "Messiah Guy Stigma." I'm trying to figure out if it's a myth. The stigma is that most Messiah guys get scared if a girl even breathes in their direction. (not literally, but you get what I'm saying.) It's definately happened to me more than once in my two years at MC. So now, that I'm making a new guy friend, I have to remember that he isn't a Messiah Guy. So things are going to be considerably different...or are they? Things to think about I guess. 2:46 am. Man. How I'm not passed out yet is a miracle. But I'm peacin' out now. I'll keep y'all posted!
Peace, Love, and Stars,
-Starleisha-

Do the risks outweigh the benefits? Do the benefits outweigh the risks?

I'm a glutton for punishment.

This weekend I am at Messiah spending time with Kayla and Becca and Cody. On the way up Friday I txted a certain male friend (who will remain nameless...) to see if he wanted to hang out. The conversation ended in dinner plans for Saturday night at his house, me and whoever else wanted to come. (back-track a bit. my mom told me dinner probably wasn't a good idea...but did i listen? no. was it a good idea in the long run? yes and no. Am i a glutton for punishment? yes.)
Kayla declined, Cody had to work, so it was just me and Becca. So we went over and he had made an excellent, yummy dinner for us. over dinner we talked about a situation that has been prevalent in our lives for a while. (I'm not going into detail. it's fine...) But as we were talking about this, I felt myself getting inwardly bitchier by the second. I couldn't figure out why, but later it hit me. I had been telling myself for weeks that i was okay with the way that the situation was going. I was....until the situation switched. as in......now this certain unnamed person doesn't know what to do. I kept asking him (seriously and jokingly) "Do the riskis otweigh the benefits? Do the benefits outweigh the risks?" And because he is indecisive, he has unknowingly made my life easier, or harder. but of course, being tha girl that i am, my life is now harder. I have two options: run, and keep lying to myself, or tell the person the truth and risk a broken heart.
I've only ever had my heart seriously broken once. And it wasn't enjoyable. and i'm going to do everything in my power to avoid another one. as he put it tonight, "gaping holes" are not my idea of a fun time. I can think of a thousand more fun things than getting my heart broken. Then again, i can think of a thousand good things that COULD happen if i just told the truth. So now, I'm left with these questions: "Do the risks outweigh the benefits? Do the benefits outweigh the risks?"

footnote: i guess i have a third option.... move on. ;-)