Imaginary Convos, Coffee, and the "Messiah Guy Stigma."

- Dr. Phil once described an ADD individual as having "A Ferrari engine with a bicycle brake" If you've never realized that, spend a day with me.-

I should be asleep. It's 1:58 early Friday the 24th of JULY. I can't believe it. I started a part-time job today at a little Bakery out in the country...not that I'm not already out in the country, but this is on the other side of town. It was great fun. I had the best cupcake I have ever tasted EVER, and connected with a really great woman. (2:02 am) She was sharing with me about her family situation, which isn't healthy (admittedly.) I've always felt a connection to teen girls, and as she was telling me about her 17 year old daughter, who recently moved out to live with her grandparents, my heart was breaking. It's amazing to me the lengths girls will go to to get attention...negative or positive. For this girl, it's defying her mother. For some girls it's eating disorders, or self-destruction. For me, it was (and sometimes still is) the latest gossip. Name one well-known person from our school, and I can tell you at least one or two things about them. It's not healthy, I know. But when I talk, people listen. Then I think of all the things I could be saying instead of "he's dating her" or "she spent x amount of time in whatever country doing this thing." I could be saying, "Jesus loves you! He wants you all to himself!" Or, simply, "I'll definitely be praying for you," or "How was your day?" I also wonder about the things I could be thinking about when I'm thinking of other trivial things. (Awkward confession time): When I was little, I didn't have an imaginary friend. (One of my guy friends had [has?] an imaginary friend named Peerflick). I didn't need an imaginary friend. I talked to my real friends all the time. Like...legit. But they weren't there. I still have imaginary conversations with real people when no one's watching. (I hope no one's watching...) The other day I said to my sister "I imagine the conversation I'll have with him when and if I finally meet him." Her response was, "Don't imagine that! Because if you never meet him, you will have wasted all the time imagining what you would have said to him." And you know what....she's right (gasp) as sister's often are. So I'm going to try to make a concious effort to keep it all in real time. And with my ADD that's already been a challange. Yes, in the last 24 seconds I have had and imaginary convo with a real person. So. maybe I should just keep doing it...Hm.
Ok. I might regret what I'm going to write next, but here goes. (Who knows, it might make for a good story/laugh later.) As you know, I'm adopted. And this week my mom networked (for lack of a better term) me with a guy that I kinda knew in MS who is also adopted. He e-mailed me, and I'm hoping to go for coffee with him, or lunch or something. I'm intrigued b/c he and I have a lot in common (not just the adopted thing), but I'm not going to write anything out b/c I want to hear it from him, not just from what I've found out.
One thing that Messiah has screwed me with is the knowledge that every guy is a potential. I hate it. Especially the "Messiah Guy Stigma." I'm trying to figure out if it's a myth. The stigma is that most Messiah guys get scared if a girl even breathes in their direction. (not literally, but you get what I'm saying.) It's definately happened to me more than once in my two years at MC. So now, that I'm making a new guy friend, I have to remember that he isn't a Messiah Guy. So things are going to be considerably different...or are they? Things to think about I guess. 2:46 am. Man. How I'm not passed out yet is a miracle. But I'm peacin' out now. I'll keep y'all posted!
Peace, Love, and Stars,
-Starleisha-